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Relationship Column: Every Man’s Guide to Valentine’s

Every Man’s Guide to Valentine’s
Photo by Christina Morgera

Olivia Wicik & Alex Parker

Some might think that you could only fall into two types of categories on Valentine’s Day; in a relationship or single. As an experienced college student, I know that is just not the case. There are hundreds of different titles you may fall victim to and even worse, there might not be a title at all. Whichever situation you are in here’s your guide to surviving February 14. (That’s Valentine’s Day men and its tomorrow so you better be prepared)


Long Term Relationship: So you’ve been dating your girl for what seems like forever and you both seem to agree that Valentine’s Day is kind of dumb. “We love each other everyday, why do we need a special day to prove it” blah blah, we’ve all heard something along those lines from our significant other. Well gentleman, I came across an interesting tweet yesterday:

Screen shot 2013-02-12 at 10.14.27 PM

(Keough is engaged to Kyle Bosworth, linebacker for the Jaguars)

Of course she expects all of this on Valentine’s Day. I promise you. Would you expect her to expect anything else? And men, even if she doesn’t expect this, then it sure as hell won’t hurt your relationship either. Go get her the flowers and some chocolates. Don’t forget the sweet and sappy card.

Couple With No Title: You as an individual, are one half of the couple that everyone knows is a couple, but you just won’t say it. It’s kind of a good thing for you I guess, because this girl really won’t expect the real fancy gifts with all the trimmings. But, that could also make it harder. So what do you do? I think a safe bet would be to plan to spend the day together and maybe get her a single rose or something. A day like today might also put your relationship into perspective for you; if you knew that you would be spending the night with her and were totally okay with that, maybe it’s time to make it official. Or not, whatever.

Long Distance Relationship: You’re at college and she’s…well not. If you’ve made it this far into the year as a long distance couple then congratulations! Also, if this is your first Valentine’s Day away from each other, it might bring up a whole lot of emotions in her. I’m sad, I’m happy, I love you, I’m sad. No one wants to deal with that. Make her feel extra special. I’d go the chocolate covered strawberries route. And if you don’t have plans on when you’re going to see each other next then the best gift of all would be to make definite plans on when you will see each other next. It’ s not goodbye babe, it’s I’ll see you later.

Hooking Up: I’m no expert, but I do know that there are a number of you out there that are up for anything but a relationship. However, if you’ve been hooking up with the same girl all semester, things are bound to get a little awkward around V-Day. You might want to ask her out on a date, you might not. She’s most likely wondering if you will or you won’t. If you think you might have some feelings for this girl then all I’m going to say is a box of chocolates never hurt anyone. Write a funny note and stick it on the box, making her laugh will take away the awkwardness of stepping out of your element to give it to her. If you’ve been hooking up with someone all semester and know that there’s no potential for a relationship, ever, then just leave it at that. You don’t have to do or say anything at all, but be aware that she will get the point and may be a little bitter next time you hit her up for a booty call.

Single: Being a single man on Valentine’s Day could mean a number of things. You can go about your Thursday as normally expected and probably not even realize it’s Valentine’s Day. Or, you could go out with your buddies and have some “Thank god I’m single” drinks. If you do go that route I’d advise you to not take any girl you meet out very seriously. Most likely, she’s out with her friends celebrating being single as well, and bashing men. She might have some kind of built up anger for your kind. Whatever it is that you do, I’ve heard first hand from men that avoiding single girls might be a good idea. And send your mom some flowers, she’ll like that.

Currently Popular: Online Relationship: (This one was Catfish inspired) I’m not really sure how popular this one is among Post students, but hey it’s on MTV so obviously it has to be legit. If you’re in an online relationship this Valentine’s Day and haven’t met the person yet, then you should make it a personal goal to meet the person. If you have met them, refer back to “Long Distance Relationship”. That is all.

Whichever one of these circumstances you find yourself in on this Thursday, just remember if you’re into a girl you cannot go wrong with flowers. You simply cannot. Yes, it is a “Hallmark holiday” but when your girlfriend goes online and sees a hundred uploads of flowers and chocolates then even your previously decided agreement that ‘you won’t be celebrating Valentine’s Day this year’ will seem foolish to her. Other than that, remember that come Friday you won’t have to think about this again for a whole year. And buy your mom some flowers.

Men, email us your thoughts on Valentine’s Day, we’d love to hear.

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