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Relationship Column: The Friend Zone


Alex Parker

The friend zone has been a topic used by many writers; however, I feel it is worth addressing again. I think that some other writers have done you gentlemen a great disservice by making you think that there are a few simple steps to get yourselves out of the friend zone. I’m so sorry to be the bearer of bad news guys, but there are no such rules.

Most of the articles I have read in preparation to write this article convey a few of the same basic rules. Some of these may work whether you’re in the friend zone or you’re just looking to pick up a girl. However, don’t think for a second that if you follow these rules that you’re going to get the girl.

As a girl, let me make one thing clear; the boundaries of the friend zone are essentially concrete.

The rules that seem to show up in every article I read are to make the girl think that you don’t really need them (even though you probably do). Make her feel as if she’s attractive but so is her competition and send her conflicting messages. To show the girl that you don’t really need them, you are supposed to flake out on her every once and a while and to not make her a priority. When you’re with her, notice other girls by either just staring at them while she’s talking or actually say something about how attractive the other girl is.

HA! The fact that guys think this will get you out of the friend zone is pretty comical actually. I bet that doing these things with a girl you aren’t already friends with will work, which I can understand, we like a little bit of a chase. But if you go from being really good friends with a girl to acting like a complete jerk, we aren’t going to start pining for you. We’re going to tell you that you’re being a jerk.

Paying more attention to some strange girl and telling me how hot you think she is will not get you any points with me. Actually, that is really rude.. If we’re just friends I wouldn’t mind or say anything because I would probably say something similar about a guy I find attractive. But, if you are trying to get me to fall for you, I wouldn’t recommend that tip to you.

Conflicting messages from a guy is probably the most annoying and aggravating thing in the world to a girl. Head games are not fun for anyone so don’t play them. What you say and what you do should not convey two completely opposite messages. Girls like a little bit of a chase but if we get completely derailed by your conflicting messages, chances are we won’t stick around to find out what you really meant by them. It’s just not worth it, as the saying goes; there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

So if you find yourself in the friend zone, I’m sorry to say it but it’s most likely a permanent state of being. Little tips and tricks are not going to make her realize that you two are meant to be. That may work in romantic comedies, but life is nothing like a romantic comedy, if you haven’t realized. If you can’t get yourself out of the friend zone after a month or two of trying, just do yourself a favor and throw in the towel. There’s nothing wrong with just being friends with a girl.

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